Envy. No one wants to be envious. It is a feeling of emptiness, or “lack of” when we look at someone that “has.” It can bring along the feeling of anger, or it can change our perspective of someone as “greedy” because they have more than we think they need while we are lacking. With envy we do not have beautiful green eyes, but rather the glowing green eyes of a hungry tiger looking at prey just out of their grasp.
How do you differentiate between greed and envy? With greed you want to possess things, or rather, it is an out of control desire for things; it has to do more with accumulation, whereas with envy, it has to do with the feeling of being left out of glory. What we are doing with this “word-mining” is actually finding the wavelength for mapping emotional energy.
The opposite of Greed is simple, it is Charity. Greed was about taking for your own, while charity was about giving, thus acquisition. In life we all need to acquire things, this is not a bad thing at all, but acquiring without control would become Greed, while acquiring and being able to give, was Charity. This gives us clarity on this emotional wavelength - we will call acquisition - with one end (the low uncontrolled end; the baser emotion) being GREED, with the other end being Charity. This is the process of distilling wavelengths, so let’s apply the same process to Envy.
Envy - what is the opposite end of that emotional wavelength? Kindness, no… that wasn’t it…. Gratitude. YES! That was it, and that reveals the wavelength right away as appreciation. If we really appreciate where we are, gratitude is what we will feel. Think about it for yourself for a bit, if you were more than satisfied, if you were brimming with the joy of being better off than you deserved, a moment of self reflection would reveal to you that core feeling was gratitude. On the other side of that wavelength, on the baser side you would say that you did not appreciate where you were, you would look at something else with ENVY. The uncontrolled base and lack of gratefulness could quickly spiral down into a feeling of emptiness we first described.
Understanding that this becomes a tipping point allows us to actually apply more motion or intention to gain greater growth. I was talking to Jimmy, a client of mine that was working on applying more gratefulness to his business, and I asked him what he was physically doing towards that end.
“I have been going through my contacts and database reaching out to people and letting them know that I appreciated them and was grateful for their business and for all the help they have given me in the past.” This is when the PUSH happens, when I look at Jimmy with a steely stare and say “That is just white belt level, what are you doing to REALLY show gratitude?”
In talking to Jimmy, I asked the tough question of where he was envious in his life, and of whom. I felt the push back immediately because as we stated at the beginning, no one wants to be envious. It is a base level emotion, we all have it, and knowing where we are on this wavelength we can start applying movement. Understanding where you currently are, we can use the understanding of emotional mapping to apply motion to add momentum to business, to virtuous lifestyle, to a better life. It took some time to identify a person that Jimmy was envious of, but with surrender in his voice, “Yeah, I really guess I am envious of Martin who used to be my boss at my previous job.”
We began to explore this envy, without adding anger or any other emotion to the mapping of where he is right now. Identifying that there were desires involved as well as jealousies that have added up to create an impasse or a mountain to stop any motion.
“What is it that you are discovering Jimmy?” I asked him. “I guess, I am feeling that the envy got me mad, that I thought things were unfair, it’s really triggered a lot of emotions that I don’t care to admit, one of which was the feeling that I was not good enough to deserve what I saw he had” he answered.
The heart beats I could hear in the silence ticked off before I asked “Do you really feel that way now?” You could see the fighting conviction that has always made Jimmy a great team member when he had his moment of realization. “Of course not, I can have all that stuff, I can do all that, I just need to work harder. Honestly I am happy with where I am, even though it is not where I was, or where I want to be, but there are some real positives in my life right now. Yeah, I see that that was holding on to something I didn’t need to.”
I told Jimmy that often when we go out for a run or some sort of endurance exercise, the first mile we almost always think “I am not feeling it, maybe this isn’t a good day to run”, but shortly after that we start feeling like “I have got this! I am feeling strong.” I told him that those people that have told me to “listen to my body” don’t understand, that sometimes the body lies to you! I would quit if I listened to my body because before I got to the stage of “I have got this” I go through “I want to give up”. This is a way of earning the feeling. Many people don’t have the discipline to go through that emotional hill. This is just like Envy, it can slow you down and make you want to quit. It can bring along other feelings to multiply those feelings, and start to retard the motion in your life to a stand still. It is about working THROUGH that, that you get to EARN that gratefulness.
I asked Jimmy what he could be grateful to Martin for. The list grew long as we wrote down each one of them (and after each one I kept asking “and” which prompted the list to keep going and going). “Why don’t you call him up and say so?” I asked. This was some more prodding and poking from me which resulted in “No no no noooooo I can’t do that” from Jimmy. “Why not?” I asked, with as innocent of a face as I could muster when I knew I had corned Jimmy into doing something that he wasn’t comfortable with. “It is pride that is stopping you, you have let your envy get the best of you, but now you realize that you are truly grateful, but that envy triggered pride too, and this last little bit that you need to let go of is pride to truly FEEL the effects of gratefulness.”
It was few weeks later when I met with Jimmy again and we talked how it went when he called Martin. I asked how it felt, and this is not a fairy tale where everything went great with hearts and rainbows, but Jimmy said that he spoke to Martin for a few minutes, to just reach out and tell him about how he appreciated the opportunities that he had when they worked together, and that he was happy that there were a lot of positive lessons that he learned while they worked together which Martin just said thank you to, and then after a bit of awkwardness that was the end of the conversation. “So, that really didn’t go according to plan?” I asked him.
“Yeah, it was a bit awkward I guess, but honestly I feel good about it, I think it really had to do with where Martin was in his life then where I am at that made the discussion awkward, I don’t think he knows how to receive the compliment, I don’t think he really sees how he helps other people around him” Jimmy answered. “So how did that make you feel?” I asked him. Again I could see light bulbs going off over Jimmy’s head as he answered. “Honestly I feel good, I feel like I am actually in a better place then he is right now!” I smiled like the cheshire cat - I am sure you could not see anything but the smile on my face as the envy that Jimmy had once felt dissolved into smoke.
John “Z” Zeydel - your PUSHcoach
Working on Emotional Mapping to help you live the best life ever.